Flirting Myrtle
by Ridara aris mae
Summary: Did you know that here at Hogwarts we've got a hidden swimming pool? So James goes forth to do the unthinkable Perhaps that's why Myrtle flirted with his son in the years to come.


**I do not own Harry Potter. **

**Harry Potter I do now own**

**For if I owned Harry Potter**

**George wouldn't be alone**

* * *

**Flirting Myrtle**

James Potter was not sure he liked one Sirius black at this particular moment in time. In fact the more he thought about it the more he thought that perhaps the infamous black insanity had finally shown itself in Sirius's character. Then he thought about it some more and realized that Sirius was probably as insane as he was when he first decided to go against his family and become a Gryffindor. That is the day he met Sirius Black on the train ride to Hogwarts.

So he had in fact established that Sirius black was very much insane- because only an insane person would have even thought of this.

And only someone who truly hated him, only someone who truly wanted him to die, only someone who turned into a werewolf would even think about supporting Sirius's insanity with logic.

Okay so maybe being a werewolf was neither here nor but there but honestly why had Moony - of all people- have agreed with Sirius. It was _Moonys _job to talk them out of the dangerous ideas, not that he'd always succeeded but James couldn't imagine why Moony thought that it was a bad idea that they hung out with him during his time of the month, it was _Moony_ who was suppose the see all the bad sides of things, and it was Moony who had somehow completely missed that James would soon be lying in a grave.

He could see it now- the professors all crying saying how much of a loss it was to lose someone so totally awesome- Lily Evans sobbing in grief as she realized too late that she had loved him - Lily Evans proclaiming the latter mentioned fact to the sniveling miserable git Snape.

Anyway it made James feel better that at least, in his dreams, Evans would realize she loved him, although he really wouldn't mind terribly if she had suddenly figured it out and was going to appear around the next corner and proclaim her love so he could get down to what this whole plan was for- being able to snog lily Evans.

Of course currently it was a lot more complicated than that.

When Dumbledore had started off the school year with his usual speech it had not been his usual speech.

It had all the warnings from filch - of which the marauders were proud to say that while they had gone to Hogwarts they had quadrupled the number of things on the list when they got there after they had done all of the things on the said list- and the warning that the forbidden forest was forbidden hence said reason of its name

(to which James and Sirius had lent over to Moony and whispered about being sure it was nothing to do with the werewolf's that lived in the forest (James) and that if Dumbledore had put spells on the girls dormitory's so that the boys couldn't get in and see those creatures who also became angry every month then surely he could apply such spells to the forest and since he hadn't it just meant forbidden actually meant not for idiots like snivellous (Sirius))

After that the headmaster had said something rather strange which is what had led to the current predicament in which James found himself.

"Did you know that here at Hogwarts" he said pausing slightly as thought for dramatic effect –

(Of which a certain friend whose name definitely didn't rhyme with sad soot had definitely not whispered "there isn't a tunnel leading to the shrieking shack")

-and finishing the effect with "we've got a hidden swimming pool" and then the headmaster merrily sat down as the plates full with glorious food began to appear if front of all the students.

So of course this had meant that the marauders just had to find it because a.) it wasn't on the marauders map which meant they hadn't found it and they had a reputation to uphold and b.) if they could find the swimming pool lots of people would come including Evans and then Evans would just happen to see James shirtless and would not be able to resist him and would proclaim her love for him and then they could snog.

Of course they had to find the swimming pool first.

So they had tried- making peter go down cracks that could lead to secret rooms that they couldn't find- Moony researching ( read: being a boring sod and hiding in the library) - Sirius flirting with girls they ( Sirius) thought might know something about the pool and James…

Well James was the coordinator so he didn't _need_ to help Sirius flirt

Besides he was saving himself for Evans

Unfortunately after a whole month of searching they had found a grand total of the following

- Evans still refused to go out with him

- Marlene Mackinnon from Hufflepuff had connections and could get them access to a dragon and some rather interesting plants that Remus refused to let them get after hearing about them ( Although James couldn't imagine why)

- The giant squid still lived in the lake and it appeared it liked treacle tarts more then it liked pumpkin pasties (which James had found out due to his weekly ritual sacrifice to the great giant squid for the greater good of Lily Evans, the ritual he'd started when she'd said in first year that she would love him if he tossed himself to the giant squid and so he'd reasoned that food was a part of him and that was when his ritual started, when he'd accidently grabbed treacle tarts and the squid refused to eat the pumpkin pasties the next week)

-They had no idea where the giant swimming pool was.

Of course Moony had pointed out the fact that there was probably a reason there was a hidden in the name of the _hidden_ swimming pool and that reason was that the swimming pool was obviously _hidden_. Of course _James_ had been quick to admonish Moony for such lack of faith and that was when Sirius had had his latest spout of black insanity. Or brilliance but currently James was leaning towards the insanity option of the two "Of course … Moaning myrtle" he'd stated

He'd then proceeded to explain the strange statement after it was obvious, to him, that everyone was confused. Well he'd tried to explain.

"She makes puddles" he said in a tone that said it was obvious. The statement still left James and Peter confused although Remus had worn the look he always got after he'd discovered an idea (of Sirius's') and was really really not sure why he was friends with Sirius .Finally James had snapped at him and said (or rather whispered as they were currently sitting in an incredibly loud history class where they didn't want anyone to overhear them- just in case)

"Start at the beginning"

"Well you see I've pretty much flirted with everyone but they have no idea where it is, not in the first and so at the moment all we're doing is trying to find something that may or may not exist and so what we need is someone who knows about the pipes and whatnot and myrtle is always diving around pipes and leaving puddles on the ground and so we should just ask her if she knows about the pool"

Which was perfectly sound logic they'd all agreed and then they asked Sirius if he'd asked her yet. Which is when they remembered (or rather Sirius had reminded them) what had happened in third year- when Sirius had flirted with moaning myrtle in an attempt to have someone help him with his homework because Moony had been so unimpressed with Sirius's behavior towards him that he told Sirius that he could find someone else to help him for he, Remus Lupin, refused to put up with him anymore.

So Sirius had asked Myrtle

(After all Myrtle may have been a ghost be she was a host who had been in Ravenclaw)

Except it had backfired on him something spectacularly when Remus had, accidently (on purpose), told Myrtle _why_ Sirius was being so nice to her. For the next month anytime Sirius went near anything with a water pipe, said pipe would inexplicably burst, and Sirius would find himself drenched.

Which is why it had been decided that James ought to do it. Of course he'd pointed out that Moony could do it to which Remus had replied that she would be upset for telling him, and then when James had suggested that Moony pretend to have a crush on her to explain said actions Remus had somehow managed to turn the conversation so that it sounded as though he had suggested he himself -James Potter, had a crush on Myrtle. Of course he had argued it down to flirting because even he was not that brilliant at acting. James doubted even Merlin himself was that good of a wizard to pull off a crush on Moaning myrtle.

All in all it was a huge disaster of a conversation that had ended in this.

Him walking to Moaning Myrtles Bathroom in order to flirt.

On Moaning myrtle.

Or even worse- _with _Moaning myrtle

He had tried to point out that she would throw a fit and try and kill him with flying bathroom bits but did Moony care. No. No Moony thought this was a wonderful idea.

And he was a Gryffindor merlin dammit. Here was a chance to prove his bravery, because one had to be very brave to walk into Moaning myrtles bathroom in order to flirt with her.

He really didn't want to go of course but eventually there he stood waiting outside Myrtles bathroom.

She was going to kill him

He was glad he had told Moony that if he (James) were to die he (Moony) was to tell Evans that he (James) knew he loved her. Moony had raised an eyebrow but James knew that Remus was a good friend and would be very sorry when he died.

Because either way really Myrtle was probably going to kill him.

But Evans was worth it.

Of course it _was_ possible that Myrtle would really like him and would kill him so that James would become a ghost- then Moony would be even sorrier because he would definitely haunt Moony-or Evans.

Although that would make it worth it. He couldn't think it would be at all horrible if he were able to sneak into Evans room.

Evans was worth it.

So he opened the door and stepped in the bathroom

"You're not a girl" The ghostly spectra chided as she floated into the middle of the room.

"You're a boy" she stated and James resisted the urge to be sarcastic. Because he sensed that if he was sarcastic he would be killed by flying bathroom fixtures. Although he mused perhaps she was going to kill him if he just stood there looking like an idiot.

Time to lay on the Potter charm and lay it on thick.

"I'm a man actually" Insert confident grin here "want to check"

Myrtle stopped. Then she frowned. Then she peered at James and floated closer before saying

"Excuse me?'

'Time to work your magic Potter' James thought, and so proceeded to start with what he thought was his best pick up line. Honestly it had never failed him once. Except when he told it to Evans of course. But apart from that…

"Did someone Avada kedavra you because you are drop dead gorgeous"

Myrtle frowned.

"Excuse me"

Then James realized he was talking to a ghost and someone probably had Avada kedavered her. So he changed track and tried another line

"When I said Accio hottie I didn't expect it to work"

Then Myrtles face changed, she smiled and giggled and twirled a ghostly finger through her semi-transparent hair.

"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean"

Oh gross. James was sure he was about to vomit - or die. Was it possible to die of ghost diseases? Then he wondered if Myrtle was really that innocent- but no, only Evans could be that innocent and Myrtle lived in a girl's bathroom for Merlin's sake.

Then the truth dawned on him

Oh merlin ; she was flirting with him.

Evans was worth it. Surely.

"If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together"

Then the truly terrifying thing happened she stopped giggling and said

"You have to not be so sleazy when you say it- I'd say try for a more innocent approach with that one, Other than that I liked it"

James stood there for a minute- as he realized why he was not in Slytherin because slytherins would be better at damage control - trying to figure out what had happened. So he went with straightforward. Well as straightforward as you get with Moaning Myrtle. She was "a sensitive soul" as Sirius had put it.

So he kept trying with pick-up lines

"Did you just cast Lumos Maxima because you just lit up my world" was too cheesy

"Are you using the Confundus charm or are you just naturally mind blowing" Was oaky but still cheesy

"If you were a Dementor, I'd become a criminal just to get your kiss" Was apparently not good because girls don't want to be compared to an evil dark creature.

"You can have the portkey to my heart" needed better emphasis apparently

"I must have had some Felix Felicis, because I think I'm about to get lucky" Was proclaimed cheesy

"My love for you burns like a dying phoenix" was apparently boring

So slightly annoyed that apparently none of his good lines were any good he'd asked her if she knew any and he proceed to be quite shocked as she dived into a nearby toilet splashing him with water before rising out of it sniffing her nose and saying

"I am a lady and I therefore do not know such things"

Which made no sense because she'd been quite happy judging his but he'd thought best to not anger her, so trying to be diplomatic, he'd asked her what she _could_ tell him if she was a lady

Which turned out to be the best thing to say to her. He'd listened as she droned on about some boy named Tom who James promised to kill as soon as he saw him. Not that he would- dude had probably ledt the contry, He listened as she droned on about how no one liked her. He listened as she complained about Sirius (the part of the conversation where he very much enjoyed what she said- He never knew that Padfoot had eaten his notes to Evans although apparently "Only the ones that were really bad") and then he'd finally gotten the chance to ask her about the pool. Except that seemed to be some subtle hint for her to tell him about how her ghost magic worked- through the guise of complaining - and James found it surprisingly fascinating and _that_ was when he realized he needed to leave before he was late for dinner.

When he'd gotten to dinner he'd realized she'd never actually got round to telling him about the pool - but he was so happy that he survived and took no time to tell Evans how much he loved her hair and how she snapped at him and how her cheeks were always reddening whenever he talked to he (He knew it was because she loved him.) and her Aphrodite like beauty.

He loved everything about her really.

She was worth everything.

Which reminded him to grab some treacle tarts for his weekly ritual of sacrificing food to the giant squid for the greater good of Lily Evans.

Then Sirius had elbowed him in the stomach and demanded a report.

He didn't particularly want to tell his friends that he had spent the afternoon being rated for his pick-up lines and listening to Myrtles story's. He also didn't want to lie to them because that was a horrible thing to do and if he couldn't not lie to his best friends then he didn't deserve to be in Gryffindor , the house of the brave and_ true_, so he had told them to give him a little time.

And so he went back into the girl's bathroom the next day to flirt again with Myrtle. Although he never once thought about it in those terms because honestly when you put it that way it sounded really weird.

No he went back because it was good practice. Myrtle was remarkably good at judging pick-up lines. Even though James was sure that she didn't like his number one because she had been Avada kadavred. So he had flirted a little more and then asked the key question.

* * *

Let it be known that it was sometime after that when Sirius had realized that anytime anyone said Moaning Myrtle that James would be left with a strange expression on his face before the subject was changed to something else.

Let it be known that for a long time after that James Potter would never ever think of Moaning myrtle ever again as innocent and he knew Padfoot was curious but while the thing that Myrtle had described had disgusted him it also made him wonder about the other ghosts and whether such things were actually possible as it was not like he was an expert in ghosts, to which the thought embarrassed him and he tried to change the subject.

Let it be known that they had not discovered a hidden swimming pool at Hogwarts and that if there was Moaning myrtle was to be no help in finding it.

And his dream of seducing lily at the hidden swimming pool at Hogwarts had been for naught.

Well perhaps not naught.

For let it be known that for years after that initial meeting James would use his invisibility cloak to sneak into Moaning Myrtles bathroom to ask for advice on how to Seduce Evans of which he did in fact eventually succeed in doing

And finally let it be known that many years after that when a small boy with a lightning scar who looked very much like James Potter entered Hogwarts…Myrtle was quite disappointed to find that he was horrible at flirting. Myrtle was pleased to note however that despite this she very much liked the small boy for the memory's he brought to her and the fact that like his father he was very polite and like his father he too listened to her story's.

So sue her if she flirted with him a little-she hadn't had that much fun since his father had walked into her bathroom and asked her if someone had Avada Kadavred her.

At least Harry had asked her _how_ she died.

Though it was a pity he hadn't asked about some hidden swimming pool.

Maybe he'd already found it.

* * *

I hope if you read this story

You found it to your liking

And even if you didn't

Then thanks for reading anyway

(I bet you thought that would rhyme didn't you)

Now go back to the search bar- and look for more story's

Because then others will have the pleasure of your eyes on their written works.


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